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Crusader Kings III RP: Jesus Returns!


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Jesus Returns!

It's 769 AD and Jesus doesn't like what Charlemagne, the Byzantine Empire, the Pope, and early church leaders have done to Christianity. So he returns before more damage can be done. Unfortunately, he had to rise via an Islamic Caliphate, even though he's a Jewish "Christian." 

His first task is to convert his domain to the original form of Christianity (I am using Paulician because it's probably the closest of the available options). As a pacifist, Jesus will not attempt to reconvert the world via warfare, but he will find other means. 

Stay tuned!



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Jesus, not wanting to resort to war, opts to go onto a kidnapping spree of heir apparents, and then forcibly converting them as part of their release terms. The Caliphate was so distables by this that it collapsed and the Arabian Empire emerged, but Palestine was able to get its independence in the process. 



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Jesus's convert-release policy is fragmenting Europe as the heirs that were converted start to inherit kingdoms. Charlemagne was assassinated mysteriously and his country absorbed by the King of Burgundy, who was converted by Jesus away from "Christianity".


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Jesus's first 10 children have reached the age 16 and can be married off:

  1. James is betrothed to a 10-year-old Georgian countess
  2. Chana marries 60-year old Ethiopian prince
  3. Scolaster marries a Yemeni Emir
  4. Matrona marries an Italian prince
  5. Eliezer is betrothed to a 13-year-old Nubian chieftess
  6. Shonlin is married to a high-ranking Byzantine official
  7. Yeintil is betrothed to a 9-year-old Byzantine aristocrat
  8. Saris is betrothed to a 10-year-old Italian prince
  9. Acha is married to a Romanian aristocratic woman
  10. Peter is married to a low born Bulgarian



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Jesus is stricken with another serious illness while marrying off his next 10 children to major world leaders and aristocrats. He also pities an albino and a giant and gives them each one of his children despite their low birth. One of his original children's husband now rules the Byzantine Empire. After 6 months Jesus recovers, Jesus is risen again!



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Jesus becomes head of the Ashkenazi culture. He continues his capture-convert policy and marrying off his 100 children. Europe, the Middle East, Northern Africa are all fragmented as civil wars erupt in protest to Jesus Christ reverting monarchs back to the true "Christianity." The bishops and feudal lords of the Catholic and Orthodox churches were perfectly happy in the power-seeking and population-control varieties they had contrived over the years through councils and doctoring of documents and etc. 

It seems like the end of the world is near! 



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Jesus has now married of all of his 100 children, at least those that are still alive. He's now 60 years old and will devote the rest of his reign to his pacifistic capture-convert policy. However, you can see the side effects of his policy on the map as the world is fragmented. There are no empires. 

Jesus's reboot of the original Christianity isn't really taking hold outside of ruling families. The people are convered in patches in what we call Spain, Italy, Egypt, and of course Israel-Palestine. There will likely be a slow spread, although some revolts are re-installing their old religions via civil war. 


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Jesus, now 75, marries his heir, his grandson (Shanoi of Nazareth) to his granddaughter (Shonlin of Nazareth), who gives birth to his double great-granddaughter, Guliko. 

Meanwhile, Wife of Christ, Nazriya of Nazareth is 58 and has been ailing for about 10 years. 

Nazareth dynasty now has over 300 members.  



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Jesus is now 78 years old. The first wife of Christ died of "old age" in her early 60s. Jesus's 2nd wife of Christ is a lowborn Russian named Suliko, age 24. He will impregnate her within the hour with a guaranteed 10 kids. This means he will have children younger than his great-grandkids. 

Unfortunately, on the same day as his wedding, his son Yuda of Nazareth (Judah or Jude) died in battle, apparently having become King of Denmark at some point. 


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Jesus is now 81 years old. His dynasty now has over 400 living members. He could even have some great-great grandkids in there, but if they exist they're infants, and he doesn't know where they are. 

The map below shows how well his capture-convert policy + 10-children-pregnancy-and-marry-them-off-when-they're-16 policy is working. The lighter pink color are the parts of the world now following Jesus's intended Christianity. Some placed are harder to convert as Civil War often replaced the ruler to someone of the local religion. I'm most surprised with India's conversions. 


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Jesus is now 87 years old and infirm, despite still having "fine" health. He became infirm at age 85. 

His dynasty now has exactly living 500 members as we reach the year 823. 

His heir, a grandson mentioned earlier in the thread, is now a 30-year-old landless courtier (21st century country fo Georgia). 

You can see the entire world. It's still fragmented. No true empire or major power, although the Byzantine Empire, whose emperor is married to Jesus's daughter, is probably the closest entity to an empire. 


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Didn't get much time to play today, but Jesus is now 93 years old. He's been seeing his first great-great grandchildren in these recent years. He's outlived about half, possibly more than half, of his original 100 children. There's some fear that he will outlive his grandson and heir, Shanoi, who is gout-ridden even though he is only 36 years old. 

You can see that Jesus's conversion process is now soundly strengthening, especially in Greek speaking areas. 

His dynasty is nearing 600 people and inbreeding is quite common in the House of Nazareth due to a lack of suiters from other families. 



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