Doblets Election RP Quickshot

[WVProgressive]

Congress has for some reason banned everyone from running for President except for those who belong to a niche internet community known as the Doblets. These Doblets now find themselves running against each other to become the powerful (wo)man in the free world. Before we select candidates, there's one rule I need you to be aware of: You cannot play as yourself, you must play as another Doblet, and I highly encourage you to replicate their behavior as closely as possible in your posts. This is a quick shot RP, so insanity is not only allowed, but encouraged. With all that out of the way, here are the candidates...

@Hestia

@Kitten

@WVProgressive

@Dobs

@Pringles

@Fbarbarossa

@Rezi (The man who came up with this idea, originally)

@The Blood

@Sean F Kennedy

@Cal

@ConservativeElector2

@Cenzonico

@mark2

@Edouard

@Zenobiyl

@Mishfox

@Murrman104

I'll do initial polling after the first turn. Have fun!

Edited April 2, 2023 by WVProgressive

[Cenzonico]

Mishfox please 

[Rezi]

I'll take the one and only @Pringles

[The Blood]

The Notorious S.F.K (Sean).

[Sean F Kennedy]

I’ll the most far left doblet @Fbarbarossa

[Pringles]

I’ll take the blue cheese acolyte himself. @Rezi

[Cal]

I'll take my good friend @ConservativeElector2

[WVProgressive]

(I'm going to hold off on starting turn 1 until noon tomorrow, and people will still be able to join after that, but I want to do some...)

Pre-Election Analysis

DHNN:  Lingering Questions, and Pressing Thoughts We Have Before the Presidential Election Begins

Mishfox, Barb, and Sean will likely fight over the Progressive/Green/Dem-Soc voter blocs, but of those candidates Sean is likely the one with the largest (thought not necessarily most fervent) base. Likewise both Rezi, and Sean are set to divide the libertarian bloc, especially left-libertarian voters though some right-libertarians could flock to Pringles campaign. Of course, it's still early, and an entrance by Cenzonico could radically alter both candidates' path to victory. Will this split among left wing voters prove to be their downfall, or lead will the two round system prevent vote split from impacting the final outcome?

Establishment Republicans are spoiled for choice so far with two appealing candidates (Pringles, and CE2) already in the race, but in what's set to be a chaotic, and close election, could that be a bad thing?

Trump Republicans, and Centrists, and Establishment Democrats have been left out in the cold so far, though the sorest loser is likely the Trump supporters, as the latter two groups have a handful of candidates who could still enter into the race while the former cannot count any the Doblets as among their ranks. At present, Sean likely has the advantage with Establishment Democrats, though his support for gun rights may complicate matters here. Sean, and potentially Rezi, likely have the best shot of capturing centrist voters this election of all the currently declared left-wing candidates, though we'd give Pringles the advantage with this important group overall. CE2, though by no means a Trumpist, is by far the most ambivalent of all Doblets when it comes to the former President, and that is certain to give him an advantage among those voters.

Rezi's many eccentricities may complicate his attempts to appeal to suburban voters, but some argue that these eccentricities make him the ultimate outsider in this race. Supporters claim he has the same oddball quality that made Gene McCarthy so intriguing, but in an election where every candidate has scant formal experience, does outsider appeal even matter?

Despite all our earlier bloviating, the most important question at this point is: Who else will run for President? There's still plenty of lanes waiting to be filled, and candidates available to fill them. For example, an entrance by Hestia, Blood, Eduard, or Kitten could radically alter this race's trajectory.

This has been Maxine Stirner for DakotaHaleNewsNetwork, stay tuned for our first post turn analysis where I'll be joined by a new co-host with special insight into the Doblets.

[Cenzonico]

47 minutes ago, WVProgressive said:

new co-host with special insight into the Doblets.

It's gonna be Pat

[WVProgressive]

Alright, those of you who have joined may post three events, and one endorsement request. Those of you haven’t joined but want to may still do so. I do have some twists to the usual quick shot formula but your going to have to wait to find out what those are… Have fun!

[Cenzonico]

1. San Francisco, California

"My fellow Americans, our nation is under siege by the radical right. Homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, restriction in our reproductive rights, the silencing of anyone who isn't a cis white male, post-stage capitalism, anti-science, climate change denial, misinformation pedaling, and so much more plague our nation. They claim it's under the guise of protecting "traditional values". But we understand full well that it's those values that seek to turn back the clock and destroy all progress that we as a society have made. Sadly, we already have some candidates in the race who purvey said reactionary rhetoric. Pringles and ConservativeElector to be specific. And don't count on the establishment to fight back. If anything they are complacent with the current status quo of the reactionary politics that have consumed our nation. So I call on the silenced, the oppressed, and any allies sympathetic to our cause. The working class labourer oppressed by bourgeois capitalism, the racial minorities oppressed by white supremacist institutions, the many members of the LGBTQIA+ community who are constantly under attack, the lowly student who is simply looking to make real change, and any else in-between. Rise I say, rise! The time for a crusade is upon us! Not a religious crusade oh no, a crusade for the advancement of the oppressed. A crusade against the reactionary forces that are working to tear America down! Get out of the house brothers and sisters, because we haven't got a chance unless we band together, organize, and then vote!"

 

2. After finishing up his speech, Mish travels over to San Francisco State University where he aims to begin a greater mission of organizing young activists to his cause. It's San Francisco, so recruiting folks shouldn't be too difficult right?

 

3. Mish wraps up his visit to SFSU and barnstorms San Francisco as he makes his way to his next big target, UC Berkeley.

 

Endorsement request: Dr. Cornel West.

[Rezi]

1. Prongle makes his campaign announcement at the Greenville Convention Center. "We talk about a new age for the G O P. Ain't no more of this Donald Trump nonsense nor this woke nonsense gonna clutter up our thoughts and minds. We are here to spread the good word of the conservative movement, one that is backed not by fear and despair, but by hope, faith, and vision. This is a campaign to bring back what we used to be. The Golden Age of this country was ushered in by the conservative movement of Nixon, Reagan, and Bush, and I hope that the American people are wise enough to see that. This should be no movement that discriminates based on color or creed, but all inclusive in the name of the American spirit. I mean, whatever happened to loving thy neighbor? This nation was built by immigrants, immigrants like my mama who understood what America could give to those who worked. We have let evil men twist and ruin the message of this country, and we can't let that keep on happenin'. That is why I am officially runnin' for president of these United States, because we need to understand what worked, and what this country means. I believe in America as that house on the shining hill, and I know that we the people can unite once more and make that happen."
2. Prongle barnstorms across the Atlanta suburbs, meeting with ancestrally Republican voters to let them know that they, together, can help him overthrow the new Trumpist establishment and return to the good old days.
3. Prongle drops a press release that officially and unequivocally calls for the banning of TikTok, calling it "some cringe shit", and lamenting the youth who would allow the Chinese government to spy on them for their daily dose of dopamine. "It seems to me that it's not only a good idea, but now necessary to pass the Patriot- I mean TikTok Ban to protect the citizens of this nation." 

Endorsement Request: Henry McMastuh

[Sean F Kennedy]

1. @Fbarbarossa had done it, America was now experiencing a second British Invasion oddly enough it was led by a Liverpoolian (make the Beatles reference if you want) congress now made it possible for a non natural born American to become President, he made a name for himself in Massachusetts politics, now he is looking to bring his staunch progressive agenda, he has very similar policies as Mishfox without… let’s say his eccentric personality. He kicks off his campaign in Boston.

2.Fbarossa will campaign in neighboring Vermont pushing his view of universal healthcare.

3. FBarossa will end the week in New Hampshire going to local diners and meeting and greeting votes. 
endorsement: Ed Markey

[Pringles]

1. Rezi would make a grand campaign announcement in the great city of Buffalo, New York. Home of the Buffalo Wings. Just a ways away from The Anchor Bar (birthplace of Buffalo Wings), he would enter the stage at the Buffalo Niagara Convention Center to a Sabaton mixtape. 

"My fellow Americans. I love my country. But we got some shit to fix. For too long has the system been abused to hurt little guys like us... we as a nation have just endured too damn much! The rent is too damn high! The Patriot Act is one of the greatest travesties of my lifetime! Second only to the DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY. ALL OF THAT ENDS WHEN I'M PRESIDENT! If you want a REAL Democrat that's going to take you back to the glory days of FDR and LBJ, I'm your guy. Don't let anybody else tell you that. We're going to take America by storm and bring the REAL change this country needs. We're gonna fix these damn UNWALKABLE CITIES, WE'RE GOING TO FIX HEALTHCARE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! This is a campaign to take the Democratic Party back from the financial elites. Remember when states like Ohio and Iowa actually had a chance of going blue? Remember when American unions were small yet strong? Remember when they fought for their workers? I sure as hell do, and we're going to summon the forces of our great former leader, Dark Brandon, and TAKE AMERICA BACK JACK. WHO'S WITH ME?"

Rezi would exit the stage with thunderous applause, and last but not least, a song by Lou Bega would be the exit theme. 

2. Rezi would begin what he plans to heavily adopt as his campaign strategy: Fast Food stops. Reminiscent of Bill Clinton in the 90s, Rezi hits the streets in New York City visiting Mcdonald's, Five Guys, Burger King, and whatever has people. He'll talk about his plans to introduce a true privacy Amendment to the voters as a major policy initiative. However, during one conversation with a potential voter in a Burger King, Rezi would state, "You know, Democrats these days, especially up here in New York can't run the state party worth shit. They made us lose the House Majority and handed a seat to that Santos dude, Governor Himmler I MEAN Hochul *Rezi would cough and act as if he's just choked up on a chicken sandwich* Governor Hochul has not done a good job, just like your Mayor here. We gotta get these guys out and bring the Democrats back!" 

3. Rezi would then head down to Miami for a major speech in an attempt to appeal to Cuban and other multiple Florida Hitler particles. Hoping to bring back blue Florida, he loudly and proudly states he will abolish the DHS, implement open borders, and let everybody's families head over if he's President. Toward the end of the rally, however, Rezi appears to go on a rant about the Trojan Horse Tik Tok Bill, telling them Republicans and even the Neolib Democrats want to impose an Internet Patriot Act on America. "WE CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN PEOPLE!" 

Endorsement: John Fetterman

Edited April 4, 2023 by Pringles

[Cal]

I’d also love to see someone play @MrPotatoTed or @vcczar given their close proximity to the Doblet RP group, with the former doing other kinds of RPs every now and then 😉 

[Cal]

7 minutes ago, Cal said:

I’d also love to see someone play @MrPotatoTed or @vcczar given their close proximity to the Doblet RP group, with the former doing other kinds of RPs every now and then 😉 

@MrPotatoTed don’t be shy you coward, I see you in here! 😛 You’d play a mean V, Dobs, or Hestia… just saying… 😉 

[Cal]

Event 1: #DraftTheAck!

The bewildering actions of Congress are one man's loss (Ron DeSantis) and other man's gain: the renown conservative figure from politicslounge.com Christopher Ackerman, better known by his handle of ConservativeElector2. It is truly incredible that not only did Congress pass a law banning the candidacy of any non-Doblet, but that every state ratified the 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution that granted them the authority to do so. 

With there being none in the constitutionally permissible candidate pool that truly represent the views of the right-wing populist voters that spearheaded Donald Trump's 2016 presidential campaign, a movement began on Truth Social, Twitter, and other areas where god-fearing conservatives congregated online to pwn the libs. A movement to draft ConservativeElector2, the only man in the race that could possibly satisfy not only the establishment wing of the Republican Party, but the populist wing. And truly, his well rationed compassionate conservatism strikes a chord not all that unfamiliar to those who supported the now disgraced Ron DeSantis when he originally flouted his 2024 bid. 

With there being no other candidate, save the fake conservative from South Carolina Can of Crushed Pringles, the only hope of the real Republican Party rests squarely with the drafting of their candidate of choice: ConservativeElector2. 

And now, moving to the United States and establishing a domiciliary in the great patriotic state of Alabama, the principled conservative has come to save the United States from its internal division with a breath fresh air via his rational, pragmatic conservatism. The calls were successful. CE2 has entered the race. Conservatism in America is saved, and they can rejoice in their choice of a true champion of small government that stood by the Republican Party even in the temporary leadership of Donald Trump rather than the Liberal Artificial Crushed Chips in a Crusty Can. 

Event 2: The Campaign Manager in Crisis

"Robert, could you please slow down my good sir? Californians won't vote for me if they think I'm just trying to speed through my campaign events here. I will say, I'm surprised you were able to organize for me to have a float in the Modoc County Parade."

Robert Moery didn't actually get permission to have a campaign float in the parade, but to be honest he is hoping that this illegal float gets him fired.

He had once been tapped to lead the campaign of Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson in an upstart campaign against the establishment in Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and the lunatics that had taken over the party of small government in President Donald J. Trump. He had hundreds and hundreds of documents ready to decimate the Floridian over his failed battle against the Mouse, and thousands more prepared to drain the crooked New Yorker of the support he'd lied to the public to obtain over the past decade or so. 

When ConservativeElector2 contacted him to lead his campaign, Robert was ecstatic. He didn't expect any of these Doblet candidates to seek him out, especially when so few of them held true conservative ideals. It was perfect. Or so Robert thought. He signed a contract immediately without even reading it. As he would later find out, breaking the contract and refusing to continue to serve in his role faced the punishment of death by firing squad. "There's no way that's legal," he thought, but it turns out a small unnoticed part of the 28th Amendment allowed for the Doblets to execute their political enemies if they agree to the possibility via contract. Who the hell approved that? 

Regardless, If all goes according to plan here, this "rally" in Southern Californian meant to run up the conservative portion of the popular vote in the state for CE2 would see him face criminal consequences for illegal solicitation of votes. He had sold Christopher on what is actually quite a sound idea: with the two-round system, the wisest strategy is to travel to the most populated conservative areas and secure their vote for him in a pretty barebones crowd of conservative candidates and guarantee that he makes it to the second round. Really, Robert is hoping this is his escape from the campaign without the involvement of the firing squad.

Now, why does Robert want free from the CE2 campaign so bad? That's a story for another time. 

Event 3: Behind Closed Doors

"You've come."

The mysterious individual remained swiveled in the opposite direction in his spinny chair in a secret campaign headquarters in Richmond, Virginia. A cat purred loudly in his lap as he ran his fingers through the length of its coat.

"Of course I have, we agreed to it didn't we? Everything is going according to plan. They're all buying it for now. The identities we've built for years and years have totally thrown away any smidgeon of suspicion that we could be conspiring together. Our agents in Congress has done just as we instructed them to. The internet wants me just as badly as we knew they would. Everything is going according to plan. Soon, the Revolution will be upon us. All we must do is continue the plan."

The secret individual remained with his back turned to the speaker. 

"I only hope that it is that easy. The other Doblets...  they are to be feared. They are cunning. They are phenomenal campaigners. They have years and years of experience putting themselves into the shoes of aspiring presidential candidates. We cannot underestimate them. The stakes are too high. If we fail..." He trailed off.

"We will not. No one will ever know what hit them. No one will see through our ruse before I take office. Until that moment, they'll think that I'm just as conservative as the name implies. No one knows my true name, not outside of you and that troublesome campaign manager."

The man sat opposite to "ConservativeElector2" finally slowly turns his chair, revealing himself and a maniacal smile. In the background, a diploma from the University of Tennessee Secret School of Socialist Revolution is proudly displayed, showing that one Cal graduated at the very top of his class, Magna Cum Comrade.

"We will succeed, comrade. Soon, the entire world will know the name... SocialistElector2."

The two descend into maniacal laughter and spend the rest of the night plotting the downfall of capitalism in the United States.

Endorsement Request: @jvikings1 (appealing to his conservative views as the leading small government candidate in the race)

[Hestia]

I'll join as head Doblet himself, @Dobs 😎

[WVProgressive]

Just need @The Blood and @Hestia before I can roll

[The Blood]

Sean F. Kennedy walks into the middle of a small high school's athletic field. The bleachers and circumference of the field are packed with people, many reporters, and the citizens of this tiny Midwestern town watch on, amazed that a Presidential candidate would announce his campaign here. Without even a podium to speak from, carrying a regular wireless mic, and wearing a simple outfit of worn-out jeans and a Tim Ryan for Senate t-shirt, Sean comes to a stop, preparing to speak. He isn't in any ordinary small town, however. He has traveled to East Palestine, Ohio, using this small venue to make a large point while announcing his campaign for President: 

"Hello, East Palestine! I'd like to start by thanking you for allowing me to speak in and visit your wonderful community today. However, while we all know that I'm new, the cameras have been here before. And we know that what it took for the corporate media to turn their eyes on this industrious, hardworking community was an environmental disaster caused by corporate greed and brushed aside by politicians! A preventable derailment which neither the heartless CEOs nor the empty suits in Washington really cared about! Well, while those in power have ignored and spat upon hardworking communities like this, I'm here to announce that help is on the way, and that soon the most powerful person in the world is going to have their eyes fixed on improving communities like this and the lives of people like you! Because East Palestine, I am here to announce that I am running to be President of the United States of America! I'm not your ordinary candidate, and with the state of our country, that's a good thing. I am running to fight back against the greedy corporations and corrupt politicians which have forgotten about ordinary people like you. As President, I will crack down on these soulless corporations by rebuilding America's unions, raising the minimum wage, and bringing our jobs back from China! I will lift the boot of outrageous medical bills off hardworking Americans' throats, passing Medicare for All so that healthcare is a right for all Americans! And believe me when I say that I will take Washington head-on as President. I will drive corporate lobbyists out of D.C. with real campaign finance reform! I will legalize marijuana Federally, protect women's private health decisions, and defend the Second Amendment, because no pencil-necked bureaucrat should run your life! East Palestine, I am a simple working American like you, and I am running for President to govern for people like us! It's time for real change in this country, and if corporate inaction has led to terrible disasters, working Americans' action to elect me will lead to wonderful miracles of progress for our country. Thank you!"

 

2. Sean will upload a video of himself at the shooting range to twitter, posting that he's "not your average Democrat," and that while he supports sensible gun control, "Democrats lose when they try to infringe upon Americans' rights, and I'm here to win."

 

3. Sean will hold a rally in Pittsburg, promising to fight for workers "assaulted by corporate price-gouging and wage suppression." Sean will note his time working at Amazon and the need for a "relentless movement to unionize across every industry in America," promising to lead this movement as President. 

 

Endorsement: Tim Ryan

Edited April 5, 2023 by The Blood

[WVProgressive]

Just a reminder to @Hestia to get his events in by tomorrow evening (Around 5PM) if he wants to be included in the turn one polling, and analysis. If they’re not in by then I’ll just roll them with the other candidates turn 2 rolls next turn.

[Hestia]

1. Dob himself will enter the race with a campaign launch in Washington, D.C. itself with the Lincoln Memorial as a background. He lays out a vision for a true conservative America and positions himself as the natural leader of such a movement. "Who better to lead the Doblets, than me, Dobs?" He asks at the end of his speech to frantic applause.

2. Dobs allows acolytes of his campaign to release campaign literature in the state of Texas that say a fellow rival, @Pringles (played by @Rezi) had previously proclaimed Dobs "our glorious leader" in order to consolidate the conservative factions behind himself.

3. Dobs ends his campaign cycle this week with a trip out to California to meet business leaders in Orange County to try and unify votes in the most populous state behind Dobs, who hopes he could contest with a fracturing of the Democrats in that state. 

Endorsement Request: Liz Cheney

[WVProgressive]

On 4/3/2023 at 5:15 PM, Cenzonico said:

1. San Francisco, California

"My fellow Americans, our nation is under siege by the radical right. Homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, restriction in our reproductive rights, the silencing of anyone who isn't a cis white male, post-stage capitalism, anti-science, climate change denial, misinformation pedaling, and so much more plague our nation. They claim it's under the guise of protecting "traditional values". But we understand full well that it's those values that seek to turn back the clock and destroy all progress that we as a society have made. Sadly, we already have some candidates in the race who purvey said reactionary rhetoric. Pringles and ConservativeElector to be specific. And don't count on the establishment to fight back. If anything they are complacent with the current status quo of the reactionary politics that have consumed our nation. So I call on the silenced, the oppressed, and any allies sympathetic to our cause. The working class labourer oppressed by bourgeois capitalism, the racial minorities oppressed by white supremacist institutions, the many members of the LGBTQIA+ community who are constantly under attack, the lowly student who is simply looking to make real change, and any else in-between. Rise I say, rise! The time for a crusade is upon us! Not a religious crusade oh no, a crusade for the advancement of the oppressed. A crusade against the reactionary forces that are working to tear America down! Get out of the house brothers and sisters, because we haven't got a chance unless we band together, organize, and then vote!"

 

2. After finishing up his speech, Mish travels over to San Francisco State University where he aims to begin a greater mission of organizing young activists to his cause. It's San Francisco, so recruiting folks shouldn't be too difficult right?

 

3. Mish wraps up his visit to SFSU and barnstorms San Francisco as he makes his way to his next big target, UC Berkeley.

 

Endorsement request: Dr. Cornel West.

1. 7 - Mish's speech has done the impossible: convince terminally online leftists to get out of house, and get politically organized. It remains to be seen if they'll keep it up, but for now Mish is experiencing a boom in popularity that for one shining moment isn't just confined to twitter.

2. 10 - Indeed it isn't too difficult. In fact, it's downright easy. Mish is able to recruit a small army of student activists to his side

3. 7 - San Fran is a famously Progressive city for a reason, and Mish finds many people receptive to his pugnacious, eccentric brand of Progressivism in the city.

Endorsement: 5 Dr. West's PA informs you that he is on holiday right now, and cannot be contacted. Oh well.

On 4/3/2023 at 5:50 PM, Rezi said:

1. Prongle makes his campaign announcement at the Greenville Convention Center. "We talk about a new age for the G O P. Ain't no more of this Donald Trump nonsense nor this woke nonsense gonna clutter up our thoughts and minds. We are here to spread the good word of the conservative movement, one that is backed not by fear and despair, but by hope, faith, and vision. This is a campaign to bring back what we used to be. The Golden Age of this country was ushered in by the conservative movement of Nixon, Reagan, and Bush, and I hope that the American people are wise enough to see that. This should be no movement that discriminates based on color or creed, but all inclusive in the name of the American spirit. I mean, whatever happened to loving thy neighbor? This nation was built by immigrants, immigrants like my mama who understood what America could give to those who worked. We have let evil men twist and ruin the message of this country, and we can't let that keep on happenin'. That is why I am officially runnin' for president of these United States, because we need to understand what worked, and what this country means. I believe in America as that house on the shining hill, and I know that we the people can unite once more and make that happen."
2. Prongle barnstorms across the Atlanta suburbs, meeting with ancestrally Republican voters to let them know that they, together, can help him overthrow the new Trumpist establishment and return to the good old days.
3. Prongle drops a press release that officially and unequivocally calls for the banning of TikTok, calling it "some cringe shit", and lamenting the youth who would allow the Chinese government to spy on them for their daily dose of dopamine. "It seems to me that it's not only a good idea, but now necessary to pass the Patriot- I mean TikTok Ban to protect the citizens of this nation." 

Endorsement Request: Henry McMastuh

1. 7 - Pringles' harsh denunciation of Trump lands well satisfying all but the most die-hard of Trump supporters, and dares Republicans to dream of a party beyond the control of the former President.

2. 8 - The barnstorming tour goes well, many moderate to conservatives suburbanites who abandoned the GOP because of Trump are more than ready to come home.

3. 7 - Banning TikTok is one issue on which China-Hawk Moderates, and Anti-Degeneracy Conservatives can agree on, and this announcement help with both of those groups.

Endorsement: 9 - McMaster eagerly endorses Pringles, and puts him into contact with some of the men who helped run his reelection campaign, giving the younger candidate a definite organizational boost in his home state.

On 4/3/2023 at 11:48 PM, Sean F Kennedy said:

1. @Fbarbarossa had done it, America was now experiencing a second British Invasion oddly enough it was led by a Liverpoolian (make the Beatles reference if you want) congress now made it possible for a non natural born American to become President, he made a name for himself in Massachusetts politics, now he is looking to bring his staunch progressive agenda, he has very similar policies as Mishfox without… let’s say his eccentric personality. He kicks off his campaign in Boston.

2.Fbarossa will campaign in neighboring Vermont pushing his view of universal healthcare.

3. FBarossa will end the week in New Hampshire going to local diners and meeting and greeting votes. 
endorsement: Ed Markey

1. 7 - Barb's down to earth demeanor, heartwarming backstory, and stalwart progressive values endear him to an American public ready... for revolution 😉

2. 10 - The speech makes the nightly news for Barb's impassioned defense of his homeland's NHS, and for a particularly moving stanza which brought an attendant Bernie Sanders to tears.

3. 4 - New Hampshire has always been a very Libertarian state, and the only people Barb can get to talk to him are libertarian-leaning people wanting to argue with him. Most others just... Don't seem to care.

Endorsement: 7 Markey teases Barb about his past statements in support of JPKIII, but endorses him nonetheless

On 4/4/2023 at 12:11 AM, Pringles said:

1. Rezi would make a grand campaign announcement in the great city of Buffalo, New York. Home of the Buffalo Wings. Just a ways away from The Anchor Bar (birthplace of Buffalo Wings), he would enter the stage at the Buffalo Niagara Convention Center to a Sabaton mixtape. 

"My fellow Americans. I love my country. But we got some shit to fix. For too long has the system been abused to hurt little guys like us... we as a nation have just endured too damn much! The rent is too damn high! The Patriot Act is one of the greatest travesties of my lifetime! Second only to the DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY. ALL OF THAT ENDS WHEN I'M PRESIDENT! If you want a REAL Democrat that's going to take you back to the glory days of FDR and LBJ, I'm your guy. Don't let anybody else tell you that. We're going to take America by storm and bring the REAL change this country needs. We're gonna fix these damn UNWALKABLE CITIES, WE'RE GOING TO FIX HEALTHCARE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! This is a campaign to take the Democratic Party back from the financial elites. Remember when states like Ohio and Iowa actually had a chance of going blue? Remember when American unions were small yet strong? Remember when they fought for their workers? I sure as hell do, and we're going to summon the forces of our great former leader, Dark Brandon, and TAKE AMERICA BACK JACK. WHO'S WITH ME?"

Rezi would exit the stage with thunderous applause, and last but not least, a song by Lou Bega would be the exit theme. 

2. Rezi would begin what he plans to heavily adopt as his campaign strategy: Fast Food stops. Reminiscent of Bill Clinton in the 90s, Rezi hits the streets in New York City visiting Mcdonald's, Five Guys, Burger King, and whatever has people. He'll talk about his plans to introduce a true privacy Amendment to the voters as a major policy initiative. However, during one conversation with a potential voter in a Burger King, Rezi would state, "You know, Democrats these days, especially up here in New York can't run the state party worth shit. They made us lose the House Majority and handed a seat to that Santos dude, Governor Himmler I MEAN Hochul *Rezi would cough and act as if he's just choked up on a chicken sandwich* Governor Hochul has not done a good job, just like your Mayor here. We gotta get these guys out and bring the Democrats back!" 

3. Rezi would then head down to Miami for a major speech in an attempt to appeal to Cuban and other multiple Florida Hitler particles. Hoping to bring back blue Florida, he loudly and proudly states he will abolish the DHS, implement open borders, and let everybody's families head over if he's President. Toward the end of the rally, however, Rezi appears to go on a rant about the Trojan Horse Tik Tok Bill, telling them Republicans and even the Neolib Democrats want to impose an Internet Patriot Act on America. "WE CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN PEOPLE!" 

Endorsement: John Fetterman

1. 4 - The music is great, the message not so much. The crass, lowbrow, meme rhetoric, parried with the leftish, and libertarian positions are just too jarring for most Americans to accept...

2. 1 - The Burger King goes silent as soon as you call Governor Hochul, Governor Himmler. After finishing your burger you're ask to leave by the employees, and the incident later makes the national news under the headline of: "Presidential Candidate Compares Governor To Nazi!"

3. 3 - Your open borders, and anti-DHS positions are fringe enough without launching into an unrelated rant that makes you come off as unhinged. The crowd thins, and thins, until by the time you come up from your rant, you realize that you are all alone.

Endorsement: 5 - Fetterman doesn't return your calls.

On 4/4/2023 at 8:31 AM, Cal said:

Event 1: #DraftTheAck!

The bewildering actions of Congress are one man's loss (Ron DeSantis) and other man's gain: the renown conservative figure from politicslounge.com Christopher Ackerman, better known by his handle of ConservativeElector2. It is truly incredible that not only did Congress pass a law banning the candidacy of any non-Doblet, but that every state ratified the 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution that granted them the authority to do so. 

With there being none in the constitutionally permissible candidate pool that truly represent the views of the right-wing populist voters that spearheaded Donald Trump's 2016 presidential campaign, a movement began on Truth Social, Twitter, and other areas where god-fearing conservatives congregated online to pwn the libs. A movement to draft ConservativeElector2, the only man in the race that could possibly satisfy not only the establishment wing of the Republican Party, but the populist wing. And truly, his well rationed compassionate conservatism strikes a chord not all that unfamiliar to those who supported the now disgraced Ron DeSantis when he originally flouted his 2024 bid. 

With there being no other candidate, save the fake conservative from South Carolina Can of Crushed Pringles, the only hope of the real Republican Party rests squarely with the drafting of their candidate of choice: ConservativeElector2. 

And now, moving to the United States and establishing a domiciliary in the great patriotic state of Alabama, the principled conservative has come to save the United States from its internal division with a breath fresh air via his rational, pragmatic conservatism. The calls were successful. CE2 has entered the race. Conservatism in America is saved, and they can rejoice in their choice of a true champion of small government that stood by the Republican Party even in the temporary leadership of Donald Trump rather than the Liberal Artificial Crushed Chips in a Crusty Can. 

Event 2: The Campaign Manager in Crisis

"Robert, could you please slow down my good sir? Californians won't vote for me if they think I'm just trying to speed through my campaign events here. I will say, I'm surprised you were able to organize for me to have a float in the Modoc County Parade."

Robert Moery didn't actually get permission to have a campaign float in the parade, but to be honest he is hoping that this illegal float gets him fired.

He had once been tapped to lead the campaign of Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson in an upstart campaign against the establishment in Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and the lunatics that had taken over the party of small government in President Donald J. Trump. He had hundreds and hundreds of documents ready to decimate the Floridian over his failed battle against the Mouse, and thousands more prepared to drain the crooked New Yorker of the support he'd lied to the public to obtain over the past decade or so. 

When ConservativeElector2 contacted him to lead his campaign, Robert was ecstatic. He didn't expect any of these Doblet candidates to seek him out, especially when so few of them held true conservative ideals. It was perfect. Or so Robert thought. He signed a contract immediately without even reading it. As he would later find out, breaking the contract and refusing to continue to serve in his role faced the punishment of death by firing squad. "There's no way that's legal," he thought, but it turns out a small unnoticed part of the 28th Amendment allowed for the Doblets to execute their political enemies if they agree to the possibility via contract. Who the hell approved that? 

Regardless, If all goes according to plan here, this "rally" in Southern Californian meant to run up the conservative portion of the popular vote in the state for CE2 would see him face criminal consequences for illegal solicitation of votes. He had sold Christopher on what is actually quite a sound idea: with the two-round system, the wisest strategy is to travel to the most populated conservative areas and secure their vote for him in a pretty barebones crowd of conservative candidates and guarantee that he makes it to the second round. Really, Robert is hoping this is his escape from the campaign without the involvement of the firing squad.

Now, why does Robert want free from the CE2 campaign so bad? That's a story for another time. 

Event 3: Behind Closed Doors

"You've come."

The mysterious individual remained swiveled in the opposite direction in his spinny chair in a secret campaign headquarters in Richmond, Virginia. A cat purred loudly in his lap as he ran his fingers through the length of its coat.

"Of course I have, we agreed to it didn't we? Everything is going according to plan. They're all buying it for now. The identities we've built for years and years have totally thrown away any smidgeon of suspicion that we could be conspiring together. Our agents in Congress has done just as we instructed them to. The internet wants me just as badly as we knew they would. Everything is going according to plan. Soon, the Revolution will be upon us. All we must do is continue the plan."

The secret individual remained with his back turned to the speaker. 

"I only hope that it is that easy. The other Doblets...  they are to be feared. They are cunning. They are phenomenal campaigners. They have years and years of experience putting themselves into the shoes of aspiring presidential candidates. We cannot underestimate them. The stakes are too high. If we fail..." He trailed off.

"We will not. No one will ever know what hit them. No one will see through our ruse before I take office. Until that moment, they'll think that I'm just as conservative as the name implies. No one knows my true name, not outside of you and that troublesome campaign manager."

The man sat opposite to "ConservativeElector2" finally slowly turns his chair, revealing himself and a maniacal smile. In the background, a diploma from the University of Tennessee Secret School of Socialist Revolution is proudly displayed, showing that one Cal graduated at the very top of his class, Magna Cum Comrade.

"We will succeed, comrade. Soon, the entire world will know the name... SocialistElector2."

The two descend into maniacal laughter and spend the rest of the night plotting the downfall of capitalism in the United States.

Endorsement Request: @jvikings1 (appealing to his conservative views as the leading small government candidate in the race)

1. 7 - The kick-off goes excellently, leaving the Ackerman campaign flush with cash after an influx of donations from Republican mega-donors.

2. 8 - The illegal float does not, in fact, get Robert arrested. Instead, it convinces many Conservative Californians to hear CE2 out, especially after Dobs's failure in the state this month. Many Libertarians also call the two of them 'based' for standing up to statist parade regulations.

3. 9 - The plan progresses well, Patriots, will soon be in control.

Endorsement: 7 - J gives you his endorsement, giving you a boost in Kentucky, and among Libertarians. He also puts in a good word for you to Austin Peterson, and Rand Paul, if you ever seek their endorsement.

On 4/4/2023 at 9:13 PM, The Blood said:

Sean F. Kennedy walks into the middle of a small high school's athletic field. The bleachers and circumference of the field are packed with people, many reporters, and the citizens of this tiny Midwestern town watch on, amazed that a Presidential candidate would announce his campaign here. Without even a podium to speak from, carrying a regular wireless mic, and wearing a simple outfit of worn-out jeans and a Tim Ryan for Senate t-shirt, Sean comes to a stop, preparing to speak. He isn't in any ordinary small town, however. He has traveled to East Palestine, Ohio, using this small venue to make a large point while announcing his campaign for President: 

"Hello, East Palestine! I'd like to start by thanking you for allowing me to speak in and visit your wonderful community today. However, while we all know that I'm new, the cameras have been here before. And we know that what it took for the corporate media to turn their eyes on this industrious, hardworking community was an environmental disaster caused by corporate greed and brushed aside by politicians! A preventable derailment which neither the heartless CEOs nor the empty suits in Washington really cared about! Well, while those in power have ignored and spat upon hardworking communities like this, I'm here to announce that help is on the way, and that soon the most powerful person in the world is going to have their eyes fixed on improving communities like this and the lives of people like you! Because East Palestine, I am here to announce that I am running to be President of the United States of America! I'm not your ordinary candidate, and with the state of our country, that's a good thing. I am running to fight back against the greedy corporations and corrupt politicians which have forgotten about ordinary people like you. As President, I will crack down on these soulless corporations by rebuilding America's unions, raising the minimum wage, and bringing our jobs back from China! I will lift the boot of outrageous medical bills off hardworking Americans' throats, passing Medicare for All so that healthcare is a right for all Americans! And believe me when I say that I will take Washington head-on as President. I will drive corporate lobbyists out of D.C. with real campaign finance reform! I will legalize marijuana Federally, protect women's private health decisions, and defend the Second Amendment, because no pencil-necked bureaucrat should run your life! East Palestine, I am a simple working American like you, and I am running for President to govern for people like us! It's time for real change in this country, and if corporate inaction has led to terrible disasters, working Americans' action to elect me will lead to wonderful miracles of progress for our country. Thank you!"

 

2. Sean will upload a video of himself at the shooting range to twitter, posting that he's "not your average Democrat," and that while he supports sensible gun control, "Democrats lose when they try to infringe upon Americans' rights, and I'm here to win."

 

3. Sean will hold a rally in Pittsburg, promising to fight for workers "assaulted by corporate price-gouging and wage suppression." Sean will note his time working at Amazon and the need for a "relentless movement to unionize across every industry in America," promising to lead this movement as President. 

 

Endorsement: Tim Ryan

1. 6 - Sean's campaign is off to a fine start, the people of East Palestine are convinced to back him, and many pundits pick up on the populist tone of his campaign

2. 10 - The video goes viral, whipping left-leaning gun-rights voters into a frenzy, and even convinces all but the most stringent of gun-control supporters to hear him out. 

3. 5 - The rally is nothing special, Sean's appeal fail to make an impact one way or another with those in attendance.

Endorsement: 10 - Tim Ryan endorses Sean, and praises him saying "If he doesn't win the Presidency I'd love to work with him to get him elected Governor, or maybe even Senator!"

4 hours ago, Hestia said:

1. Dob himself will enter the race with a campaign launch in Washington, D.C. itself with the Lincoln Memorial as a background. He lays out a vision for a true conservative America and positions himself as the natural leader of such a movement. "Who better to lead the Doblets, than me, Dobs?" He asks at the end of his speech to frantic applause.

2. Dobs allows acolytes of his campaign to release campaign literature in the state of Texas that say a fellow rival, @Pringles (played by @Rezi) had previously proclaimed Dobs "our glorious leader" in order to consolidate the conservative factions behind himself.

3. Dobs ends his campaign cycle this week with a trip out to California to meet business leaders in Orange County to try and unify votes in the most populous state behind Dobs, who hopes he could contest with a fracturing of the Democrats in that state. 

Endorsement Request: Liz Cheney

1. 3 - So frantic is the applause that it overtakes Dobs's speech, forcing him to shout over the crowd to be heard. 

2. 10 - The out of context quote convinces many Texans, and even some Prongle supporters to rally behind Dobs. Thank God they don't know about his other out of context quotes.

3. 2 - The meeting is cancelled due to a heavy presence of Democrat aligned protestors

Endorsement: 10 - Liz Cheney enthusiastically endorses Dobs, giving him a massive boost among neo-conservatives, and Never-Trump conservatives.

(TBR)

Mishfox: 2

Pringles: 12

Barb: 95

Rezi: 4

Christian: 81

Sean: 42

Dobs: 20

(Polling, and Analysis on its way now...)

Edited April 6, 2023 by WVProgressive
Thank you Cen

[Cenzonico]

14 minutes ago, WVProgressive said:

Indeed it isn't too difficult. In fact, it's downright easy. Mish is able to recruit a small army of 

Little mistake here. Maybe he recruited ghost people or something.

[Rezi]

1 minute ago, Cenzonico said:

Little mistake here. Maybe he recruited ghost people or something.

No, it pretty clearly says he recruited