Howard Stern announces run for President during the Howard Stern Show.
Stern: “You know, I’ve been thinking about this upcoming election, and I’m just like ‘what the hell is the point?’
Cast: (Laughter)
Stern: Right? I mean, Global Warming is already out of control, right, nothing we can do about that, and at that point what else is worth debating? The world’s doomed, we might as well have some fun, right!?
Quivers: Is that going to be your slogan?
Stern: You know what? Yeah, yeah! I’m running for President! I’m running to restore insanity to American politics, fix our broken institutions, and get the government off the back of our backs in the last few decades of industrial civilization.”
Hillary Clinton announces her political comeback!
”My entire public life, from my time as First Lady of Arkansas to my service in the Senate, and as Secretary of State, I have always fought for equal rights, and a fair shake for every American. In 2016 I fought against the vile machinations of Donald Trump, and came up short due to the inadequacies of our Electoral College. As both extremes call for destructive change to the American system, and as many of my fellow moderates shirk running for President, I have decided to throw my hat into the ring. I am the candidate for measured change, with a steady hand, and a cool head, that will ensure that our treasured institutions survive, and evolve, instead of ripping them up, and trying to start over again.”